When Do People Choose to Die?

Death is one of life's greatest mysteries, something that happens to all living things, except Vampires of course. The body ceases to function and just quits running. It turns cold. And the person or dog or cat we knew is gone forever. It stuns us. It confuses us. Where did they go? That is the mystery.

Some folks believe that we choose the time of our birth and the time of our death. I have heard many people say how so-and-so waited until the family was together before passing. I think there might be some truth to this.

My Grandma did not EVER want to talk about death. She believed herself to be immortal. "I am not going to die," she would often say. But really she was afraid. She liked to have control of things in her life, and the mystery of Death is controlled by no one.

After Grandpa passed in 1997, Grandma stayed in her house on the hill in the woods. She had a set routine.  She would start the coffeepot in the morning, walk out to the mailbox to fetch the newspapers, and sat down in her blue Lazy Boy recliner with her Irish Creamer laced coffee, two oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and the papers. On went the TV and she would watch the last half of the morning news, then her favorite shows JAG and Walker Texas Ranger. She would then do her chores, work on the books for the Moose Lodge, check her email, do some cooking, maybe run an errand or two. Evenings were watching Xena, Star Trek, or whatever else she could find. If she were to awaken at say 1 am, which was not unusual, Grandma would turn on the TV and watch Disney's Zorro, the old black and white version.

Grandma was 87 years old in 2005. She still participated in the International Women's Bowling League and cooked every weekend for banquets and dinners at the Moose Lodge, where she also held office. Then she got breast cancer.

Grandma had already planned to go on a cruise to Alaska in June of that year, so she told her doctor no surgery until she got back. Fortunately, it was in the early stages and the surgery was very successful. She was going to be alright.  But then she had a heart attack which turned into congestive heart failure, and in October Grandma met the great mystery of Death.

A couple nights ago, I was watching a re-run of JAG (it always makes me feel close to Grandma somehow). It was the show's last episode. The date was April 29, 2005. I remember vividly watching that episode with her, and how sad she was that her favorite program was ending. She did not know she had cancer yet.

Then, Zorro was put back in the Disney vault, something the giant corporation does to make you think you will never ever ever see that show or movie again. Then, oh, maybe a few months later, they will release the show on DVD and make a million dollars off your relief.  Anyway, Zorro was a show Grandma loved, and it was now gone.

So I got to thinking, as I was watching the end of JAG's last episode, whether the losses of these familiar faces, Mac and Harm and Zorro, might have tipped Grandma toward considering moving on, subconsciously of course. I mean, she lost Grandpa, she was alone most of the time, and these people on the TV were her friends. I understand this. I am alone almost all the time. The people on my favorite TV shows are always there. I spend more time with my TV friends than my real life friends. They are too busy. But my TV friends, they are loyal. You get attached to them. I remember when I saw the Star Trek movie where Spock dies, I cried and cried and was devastated for days. Spock couldn't be dead, he was part of my life since I was a child! [Barbie, this is your Grandma. You need to see your doctor, honey. Love, Grandma]

So maybe the loss of those TV friends made a hole in Grandma's life, maybe times changed to the point that life became unfamiliar and wasn't going to get any better that way. She could no longer drive, she could no longer breathe, she could no longer walk without a walker, she could not watch JAG or Zorro anymore, all in a period of three months. So maybe she chose to exit this life for the great mystery of beyond.

Wherever you are Grandma, I hope you can watch any damn show you want to. I hope you can go bowling and dance and drive and cook and eat oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. And I hope you remember you and I watching that last episode of JAG together, tears streaming down our cheeks. We both knew it was the end.