To Govern One's Self

When I was a kid we had a little red Rupp minibike. Sometimes my Mom would put on a helmet and ride it to the store to pick up a few things. I imagine that created quite a few chuckles, especially with the Harley riders.

We left the suburbs of Columbus and moved to a little burg in southwest Michigan, and it was there I could ride that mini bike down wooded trails and open fields. I would hop on the black vinyl seat and give her full throttle down our asphalt road, the wind blowing through my blonde hair. "BORN TO BE WILD!" I sang as I sped along. I was going all of 20 miles an hour.

Dad put a halt to my racing down the street by putting a governor on the throttle, restricting my speed. This was totally counter to who I am.

I have often wished that someone would devise a governor for my brain. Like that little mini bike, my thoughts and emotions race down the street, fueled by an idea or incident. My feelings are big. Perhaps that is what helps make me a poet and songwriter, such big feelings need an outlet. Or it drives me to be a philosopher, because I feel affected by life around me and need to tease it apart and understand it.

Whatever I do, I put out 110%. It has been said that our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses. I can see that very clearly in this personality trait of mine. These big feelings can inspire me to near Midwestern greatness or debilitate me to the point of barely holding on. The invisible filter that keeps us sane in a world surrounded by death and destruction does not seem to exist for me, or at least they used seconds when constructing mine. For instance, it seems most people drive by the 69 dead coyotes, deer, spring fawns, foxes, raccoon, opossums, cats, muskrats, weasels, and occasional pet dog laying on side of I-96 between Lansing and Ann Arbor and never even notice. Me? I pray for each one, and grieve for the needless loss of life. Seeing a family of raccoons taken out in one fell swoop affects me the rest of the day. I care deeply.

So as my birthday approaches, I may just call up my Dad and ask him if he might be able to build me a governor for my brain, so that I can be a bit more mediocre. I don't need to write any more songs or cry over dead animals or get enraged over Republican politics. Been there done that. I would like to just fade away lukewarm for a change.