Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you today, the seventh anniversary of your passing. Don't worry, I won't cry. At least not too much. I know how you feel about that. "Quit your crying," you would tell me. I can't help it Grandma. I miss you.

I wish you could have seen the fall colors this year. Up here in Michigan we had one of the most beautiful displays I can remember. Now, I know you hated the fall. I don't blame you. Grandpa, your Sister, and your Nephew all died during the season when the hickory trees in your yard were brilliant yellow. That must have been so very hard on you. And then what did you go and do? Die on October 24th! Well, no matter what you say, I think the fall is absolutely beautiful and it was a fitting time for you to go home.

A new friend of mine has given me lots of hickory nuts, and every night when I come home from work I sit and watch some TV and crack nuts for hours. I am watching the Mason jar starting to fill, it is almost halfway there. I remember watching you bent over, clad in your mother's red plaid wool jacket, picking up hickory nuts from your yard. You showed me how to tell the good ones from the bad. I could bet the farm that when I would come home to see you there would be dozens of hickory nuts spread out on your patio table. I loved that about you Grandma. And I made it a part of me. Thank you for that.

I know you would be proud of me working for the State of Michigan. I would love to tell you about all the things I am learning. You were always the one I shared everything with. My hopes and dreams, my heartbreaks and my joys. You were my best friend. I cherish the memory of our talks as we sat in the matching blue Lazy Boy recliners, watching TV and critiquing all the commercials. I remember when you were so sick and I told you I didn't know what I would do without you. You told me I would be just fine. And that you weren't going to die for a long time. Within three months you were gone.

I have tried to go on with my life, Grandma. But it isn't the same without you. There is a hole in my heart that I don't think can ever be filled. Too much changed when you left. There is no home left to go to. The family no longer celebrates holidays together, something we did since the day I was born. There are no more honey-do lists. Or pot roasts made special just for me. I think that hits the nail on the head. No one has ever made me feel as special as you did. Now I feel very alone in the world and not really special to anyone.

So I guess what I want to say to you Grandma on this special day, is thank you for the tender and sometimes tough love you gave to me, for being there when I was at my lowest, and being there when I was at my best. For sharing your stories and laughter and struggles and regrets. For teaching me to be kind and work hard, and to have strong values and and a strong work ethic. Thank you Grandma. I will always hold you close to my heart.

With love,
Your #1 Granddaughter, Barbie

p.s. give Grandpa a hug for me and tell Great Aunt Lana the sassafras tea was good this year.